Friday, March 4, 2011

An Example Of What God Has Done In My Life

I am petrified of selling (when I think about it) but that fear melts away as I actually take action and work at it.  I dreaded to contact my friends about a MLM "business opportunity" that I was involved in during the 1990's, but when I actually got on the phone and started talking to people, I found that the connection was enjoyable and the sale didn’t matter.  I flopped in that business but grew exponentially as a person and made some of the best choices in my life since that experience.

This emotion of fear (that I associate with selling) I believe, has its origins in my youth and the feeling of rejection I experienced when I would show interest in girls who were (or at least I imagined they were) "out of my league" and they responded with a clear lack of interest.  Obsessing about this (a condition fueled by a society that glorifies people who have success with dating), I developed an inferiority complex that crippled my social development and showed up in the symptoms of alcohol and drug abuse as well as an extensive quest for sexual satisfaction that resulted in depression and thoughts of suicide.

It wasn't until I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior did my life start to turn around.  I began to understand that what I really wanted was to love and be loved and that it didn’t matter if the love I gave was directly returned by the object of my affection.  I’ve grown more and more confident (not especially in me, but in Christ) and those symptoms have been eroding over the past 14 years as I live my life for him, using the bible as my guide.  I have found that I can share the unconditional love he has for me with others.

I've been clean and sober for over 12 years and am married to a beautiful woman who is very my best friend.  It's not like everything is rosy and every moment is happy.  I still occasionally think about drinking and using drugs, but I really don’t entertain those thoughts for very long.  I've had bouts with looking at pornography and depression over the years, but overall I've got a really good attitude and the length of time since my last descent into total self-obsession and debauchery has been growing.

I think that I might be able to use these life experiences to reach out and help others who are suffering with similar struggles.

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